As baby cross prepares to enter the world, I figure I'd squeeze in one more blog before his arrival. I finally figured out how to post pictures! Here is 'Chubbles,' as Aunt Jenn refers to him, at 20 weeks. 

Here he is at 13 weeks: 

As Joe is out Christmas shopping, I'm having some quiet time to myself. I am soaking up this quiet time before I no longer am by myself at home. I have a huge range of emotions and thoughts going on in my head. I am embarking on a major life change, one I always dreamed I'd go through, but never actually figured it'd be possible. I always pictured myself carrying our baby. I imagined how it would feel like to first feel him kick, to move around, to hear his heart beating on the monitor. I pictured Joe placing his hands on my belly and the two of us talking to him every day. God, however, had other plans for us. After dragging my feet and wondering 'why me' I finally let it all go and let God take control. I knew there was a reason He did not want me to carry our baby myself. He had a plan for me, a woman for Joe and I. Thinking back, what a journey it has been. It seems like a distant memory when our first cycle was canceled because I over stimmed and produced too many follicles. What a painful time that was. We felt like our dreams were shattered. The silver lining was we were able to grow closer with C and her family. It gave us more time to get to know each other, in the rawest of times. It only strengthened our bond. Now it seems like such a distant memory. Almost as if it was a dream. Now we approach our 39th week of pregnancy, and he is days away from entering our lives. 

I went through a period a few weeks ago where I was overwhelmingly depressed and lost. I chalk it up to all the hormone type meds that I am on. Don't misunderstand me when I say that, I just wanted a few more weeks of "freedom." I felt like my life was over. I was very anxious of the impending huge responsibility and new life that would depend on me every second of every day. That scared me a bit. I was leaving work, the close friends I had made over the past year and a half, as well as the people I finally began to connect with at work. I felt so alone. Joe is continuing to work, where I would be left home alone with the baby every day, every night. That frightened me. So I had a few days of carefree fun. 

Then I reconnected with an old college friend whose words, whether she knew it or not, really put things in my life in perspective. God placed her, as well as a book I bought, into my life for a reason. I felt that everything that had been happening was meant to happen. I was tested, and I passed. The book touched my heart, touched places where I thought the light had dimmed. I was meant to read that book. God was speaking to me through this story. And here I am now. Fully prepared to step up to my duty in life, to be a mother! To be a teacher, mentor, cheerleader, friend, mommy to my newborn son. God is truly amazing. He say me straying and struggling and threw me a life vest. And to Him I am eternally grateful. You cannot regret your mistakes, just use them as life lessons, to grow from them. 

My heart is smiling. I know I will face struggles, sleepless nights, but I know it is possible to charge forward and be stronger in the end. I know I will need to ask for help, and in doing so, it does not make me a failure, as a mom, a Christian, a wife. 

God is awesome. Please pray for our baby as he enters into our open, loving arms December 12. We are meeting C at the hospital at 8 am. The end is in sight! After a long 16 months+, he is finally coming! Bags are packed, car seat is installed. Ollie and Lana are in for a surprise! Ha ha 

We are bringing our computer to the hospital, so we will keep you all updated as soon as possible. 

Thanks everyone for your prayers, well wishes, encouragement, support!! We love you all and appreciate it all!

Until then, 

Lis n Joe